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Parson of the Pub
by Cray Z. Fish
I was born in the galley of a cargo ship
that they called the Southern Star
I was raised on the reading of the word of God
counting cards and tending bar.
The mast was my steeple, the poop deck my pew,
my bishop was a mouse.
Scurvy and starvation were my congregation
til I bought a public house.
Now it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never be a failure
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
When you grew up preaching to the sailors.
My daddy was an English protestant
My mother was a Scot.
I thought I would wear the pants in my clan
but this Kilt was all I got.
They asked me which block was my favorite flock
ever since I was a nipper.
Puritans, I confess, will make a smaller mess,
but Catholics are much better tippers.
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never be a loser
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
Cause a beggar cannot be a chooser.
The stated position of the Inquisition
is I should go underground.
As long as I’m gone before they flame on,
I’ll be safe and sound.
My religious views may not be big news
but still they get people thinkin’.
Cause mercy is mercy, the word is the truth,
and everyone’s blessed when you’re drinkin!
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you never can deny it.
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
The hard part is keepin’ it quiet.
Now I don’t get nervous when folks ask for service
I just keep it straight in my head:
You don’t read Last Rites to the bride and the groom
and you don’t baptize someone who’s dead.
A man came to christen, my holy water’s missin’
and my wellspring ran unclear,
but he was a sinner in need of salvation
so I baptized him with beer.
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never have to fear it.
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
Cause everybody’s in the spirit!
When I first encountered Captain Micky Slinger
he showed me his pistol and sword.
So he keeps me in silver and spice from the East
and I keeps him right with the Lord.
Cause two Charlie Pirates were gambling one night
with our drunken Irish Bard,
So I fed them mead and whiskey and beer
and fed Mick some extra cards.
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never be decoded
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
Cause the patrons aren’t the only thing that’s loaded!
So love your fellow man. That is the holy plan
and the recipe for great fun.
So let’s raise a toast to the Holy Ghost
to the Father and to the Son.
And tonight we’ll cavort with the girls of the Court
and we’ll drink with our bretheren.
So let’s finish Mass and fill up your glass
and somebody say A-Men! (Amen!)
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never be a liar
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
Cause you’re always preaching to the Choir!
And it’s Ho-Heave-Ho and ya Raise a glass
And you’ll never be a liar
It’s easy to be the Parson of the Pub
Cause you’re always preaching to the Choir!
